Lately I have begun the practice of asking myself: “Are you doing this because you want to do this or because you have to?” It’s become a sort of call to action for me, to see in what areas of my life I am merely going through the motions or actively participating in my present life circumstances.
Of course, a part of this life is doing things we don’t necessarily want to do – things we have to do in order to get by. The kind of means to an end job that supports you financially, while you wake up at five in the morning or stay up until five in the morning, to work on what really drives your passion.
That’s another good question to ask ourselves: “What really drives your passion?”
For a little while now, I have gotten into the habit of waking up about three hours early before work to sit and write in the mornings. Even if nothing comes to the page and I am more frustrated than satisfied with what I have written, I have begun to really look forward to these mornings with myself – where it’s just me, a cup of coffee, the fall chill coming through a small crack in my window, and the morning light peering in on my desk, where I have a display of quotes and images that symbolize my goals.
Let me just add here - I am probably one of the worst, if not the worst, morning person. I am the queen of hitting snooze seven times and arriving five minutes late to my first appointment, because my bed and I have such a cozy relationship, I don’t ever want to give up my precious time with it.
I’ve actually been ambitious this past month and have set my alarm for five in the morning, thinking to myself each night before I fall asleep: tomorrow is the day! And every next morning, I wake up two hours later than five. But I’m still choosing to get up and I’m waking up earlier so that I can do something that makes me feel more alive and excited than my means to an end job.
This little practice of getting up early to write on a consistent basis has taught me a lot about myself so far. I have said numerous times to others and myself, and in previous blog posts, that I’m not sure what I want to do with my life. I have recited this as if it were a script I were rehearsing, one that I would sprinkle into conversations whenever the topic demanded its appearance. I was speaking in the way that I was living: on autopilot.
Because I wasn’t ready to begin working toward my goals and dreams then – I’m not sure I even realized them or took myself seriously enough to accomplish them. I was content in my means to an end job because I hadn’t yet had a feel for what really sparks my excitement; I never made the time to begin cultivating it.
That’s all fine and well though. No judgment there whatsoever; I was at where I was at and that’s perfect in itself. I am still and always will be a work in progress.
My point here is that we can get stuck in routines that we unknowingly aren’t “awake” in because we are so accustomed to living out our daily tasks. Since I have started to make the time to do things that drive my passion, I have begun to realize other aspects of my life that don’t serve me as greatly as I once thought they did.
I ask myself now too:
Do the people you surround yourself with enlighten you or bog you down with negativity?
Do you enjoy your own company – can you sit alone with your thoughts?
Are you happy with your finances or always spending too much or never having enough?
Are you speaking your truth or rehearsing an outdated script?
This open conversation that we can have with ourselves is really beneficial to do on a daily basis. Sometimes we need a wake up call, even if it’s just to stop surrounding ourselves with gossiping people or to quit repeating the same old thought patterns. These are the little things that ignite change in the big things.
Ask yourself today: What drives your passion? Are you doing what makes you happy – even if it’s not for your career or for money – are you taking the time to harvest all that serves your highest good?
Once we begin reaping the benefits of being awake and presently alive, we will become the director of our lives and cut out the characters and scenes that are no longer beneficial to the entire production. We will choose to co-create and rewrite our script so that we will always have the happiest of endings.