I used to think I was alone and crazy in how I felt in my former love relationships. The conversations that my mind would often have with itself were both borderline psychotic and what I thought to be at the time, abnormal. That is until I spoke to other women who not only confessed to feeling the same way as I did, but actually wanted to speak more about the mystery of the “crazy girl” mentality.
What is the “crazy girl” mentality you may ask? It is when a woman, while dating or in a relationship, feels slightly insane (or let’s be honest, bouncing off the walls mad), from all of the foreign and nutty thoughts ricocheting in her brain.
It’s been almost an hour and he still hasn’t texted me back while he’s out with his friends. It’s obvious he’s doing something. I’ll look through his phone later while he’s sleeping to figure it out.
What if he’s sneaking around while he’s at work and I’m just here thinking he’s working the whole time?
He just liked a photo on Instagram from a Lauren Williamson.
And the one before that.
And the one before that.
Who the hell is Lauren Williamson?
Yes…these thoughts are by nature, crazy. And while I may want to say that it’s just human nature to question the truth or value of trust in people today, I also want to dismiss that notion by rejecting this thought process completely.
We are better than these unhealthy thinking patterns and these thoughts aren’t just second nature to women, they are present in men’s minds as well. They just come in different forms and aren’t as openly expressed. But, to delve deeper into that philosophy is for another post on another day.
I often wonder if in earlier times if these issues even existed, or if they did, how different they would be without the technology and social media platforms that we have today.
Well, Bill did say he was going to write while he’s away but I haven’t received a letter in over a month. Letter must have gotten lost in the mail! Or he’s screwing that whore Nancy!
I keep catching Sarah staring at the milkman with her sex eyes when he comes by for deliveries. Is he making extra deliveries while I’m not home too…?
I called Peter at his house but he didn’t answer, so I went by his house to ring the bell and he’s not home either. That cheating bastard!
When constructing these thinking patterns into written sentences, it’s hard not to laugh because they drive you nuts with how paranoid they are. In some cases, we need to listen to our inner voices if they hold some weight to them, but in most, it’s just our minds living out antiquated cycles that its never known otherwise.
My experiences with this interrogating discourse are usually founded in things that haven’t even happened yet, and most likely, never will. Time after time, I have caught myself conjuring up stories and visions of catching past boyfriends deceiving me in some way or another, (with specific details, surroundings, people, everything down to a T), just to then realize I spent five minutes living in a world that isn’t even real.
And for what exactly? To manifest the feelings I would have if that day were to come? To think of all possible negative outcomes so that I’m not falling into the façade that everything is too good to be true?
And let’s say I did catch my boyfriend in a lie; with another woman; somewhere else when he says he’s at work; or simply realizing that he’s not who I thought he was; well then I’m better off without him anyway.
When put into this context, these heavy, dominating thoughts that dictate our emotions and throw us off balance, really don’t have any power over us at all. It’s only when we feed into them that they have influence over us.
Love relationships may be harder today than they ever were before; with an excess of hook up sites as well as a plethora of social media platforms, the internet is just waiting to connect you with virtually anyone. Because of this, some people say that it’s too easy to cheat or that temptations are too high when there’s access to millions of other people.
I was one of those people just a few short months ago, where I found myself repeating this script to anyone who I spoke about love with. I would claim that everyone eventually cheats at some point or another, mainly directing this toward men – sorry guys! – and assert that there’s really no such thing as true love or “happily ever after.” Everyone deceives, no one is completely trustworthy and that’s just the way things are – so deal with it!
I don’t know what exactly changed that I realized I don’t want to be an advocate for this cynical belief system anymore - one that I’m not entirely sure was ever my own to begin with.
Instead of allowing myself to think these detrimental thoughts; instead of talking about love as if I know everything there is to know about it; and instead of worrying about things that haven’t even happened; I am letting it go.
At the end of the day, everything is energy. You can only control your inner world. Letting other people in doesn’t make you vulnerable, it makes you more experienced and strong. If someone you love ends up deceiving you without your knowledge, then that’s their burden to carry, not yours. At least you’ll know that you stuck true to your word and can move on without any regrets.
We need to stop giving into weaker thoughts just because they throw out some bait that we want to take a bite of. We need to stop believing that every negative story we hear about love (or anything for that matter) is true for everyone. For every negative experience, there’s a positive, completely opposite one to counteract it.
I’ve found that it’s much easier to just go with the flow and expect that things will turn out okay for us. They will turn out okay because when you live in your own truth, you won’t be seeking or settling for anything less than that.
By standing in the light of your truth, it will cast away any shadows of doubt that always prevented you from seeing things clearly in the first place. Truth is the only thing that ever sets us free. What sets us free is our own innate right to love ourselves more than we ever imagined we could. Everything else falls to the sidelines after we can accomplish that.
